Yesterday, Abbey came and put her arms around my neck, as I unsuspectedly sat at the computer in the kitchen.
"I love you, Mommy, so, so, much!" Before I could respond, she continued…"my birthmom; not so much."
I was taken off guard by that, so I was trying to think how I should respond. Then she came out with, "I didn't really want to live in China anyway!"
I've read lots about adoptees grieving their losses and I know it may come later, but for now I don't see any of it.
I decided to neither reinforce nor correct her thinking. I don't want her to feel that, if she one day changes her thinking, she can't come and tell me about it. I want there to be open communication about her adoption, regardless of how she feels about it. So, I told her that I believed God was and is taking care of her no matter where she lived. I held her in my lap, kissed her and told her that I was incredibly grateful that she was my daughter, that she is smart, beautiful and a very important part of our family. I told her that where she was born didn't matter to me, she was my daughter and that I couldn't love her any more, even if she had come from my "tummy"!
And that's completely true!