I've been dreading this talk for as long as I've been an adoptive parent. The talk where I have to tell my daughter that she wasn't born from my body. I've been dreading it, because I've been afraid of the implication that she is any less my daughter. Every fiber of my being denies any truth to that implication. I'd give my life for her and any of my kids, in a heartbeat! She and Elijah are such a part of me there are times when I have to remind myself that I didn't give birth to them.
She's known for as long as she's been able to know, that she is adopted or chosen. She knows she was born in China and we went to China to bring her home to the U.S. She has had no clue what it means to be born or adopted or the difference between the two. I've been waiting anxiously for her to say something, or ask a question that would lend itself to discussing that she had not been added to our family biologically.
The opportunity finally came the other day. She was watching a show about Jesus being born. She said to me, "God gave birth to Jesus." I corrected her and told her that no, God didn't give birth, but Mary did. She then said, "Just like you gave birth to me." Here was my moment and I didn't let it pass by. Taking a deep breath, saying a little prayer, I said, "No, I didn't give birth to you. You were born in China. I wasn't there. But, God gave you to us and we went to get you. You were adopted. Some babies are born to their Mommy and Daddy, and some are adopted." There! I said it. I then waited. No response. Nothing. So I said, "Do you understand how special you are to me and Daddy?" "Yes," she replied. And that was it! Nothing else was or has been mentioned yet. I guess she heard all she needed or wanted to, for now. I know we aren't done with this discussion, but, hopefully, I started the thought process that will lead to her being secure in our and God's love for her.
So, now I wait until she lets me know that she is ready and wanting to hear more of her story.