These past few days have been so hard for me. I tell myself to get over it, it's not like there's been a death or anything. But, yet, there has been a death.
Our usual day to day living has changed drastically...it has died.
A few days ago, our house was bustling with people. Now a death-like silence fills the air. Not that Abbey and Elijah aren't sometimes loud, but they don't make up for the lack of TV, music from computers, guitar playing, friends visiting, or ear shattering drum practices that filled our house this summer.
But as I believe with physical death there follows eternal life, and therefore, with this symbolic death new life will be recreated. It is this fact that I'm clinging to. I'm making a determined effort to choose joy. I'm choosing to not dwell on what's lost, but dwell on what's to be made new.
I'm not dwelling on the fact that right now as I type this, I'm missing hearing a big-footed gait come bounding down the stairs to tell me something about his day, some new thing he's discovered, what he's eaten (usually bragging over the abundance), what he did in weight lifting or swimming, or just asking my advice about something he's contemplating.
I'm not dwelling on how much Abbey and Elijah miss having him around. I bet they've said a hundred times in the past couple of days, "I miss Daniel" or "I don't want Daniel to go to college".
I'm not fixated on the fact that I can't just "run to the store" for a minute, without finding 2 pairs of shoes, (sometimes not an easy task), buckling carseats and lugging two reluctant little ones into the grocery store to pick up a gallon of milk.
I am thinking about how my housework duties have decreased. Less people equals less food to prepare, less laundry and less mess to clean up.
I'm certainly thankful for the smallness of our world today. I've had several texts from Daniel since he's been at school. I don't feel like he's cut off from us totally.
What I am dwelling on is how happy and proud I am of how he has worked to be where he is. Because of the AP classes and exams he took, he's got about a semester's worth of hours already logged in. As for his dedication to swimming, that should allow him be a contributing member of the swim team right off the bat.
I'm focusing on what a neat young man he is. He makes me thankful for the kind of person he has chosen to be. The kind of person that I enjoy being around. One who earnestly seeks to live for God. Not perfect by any means, but always striving to be better.
These are the things I'm fixating my mind on. While I do mourn the change, I recognize that life without change is stagnant, not productive. I don't want that for us or Daniel.
|Loading the car|
|Abbey and Elijah making sure the bed was comfy.|
|Definitely tears in those eyes.|